This episode explores why people feel compelled to offer advice, how to filter helpful information from noise, and strategies to set boundaries without creating conflict. Get tips to kindly and assertively respond to strangers, coworkers, or close family or friends. Learn about the emotional toll of constant input, how to avoid second-guessing yourself, and how to strengthen your confidence in your decisions. If you feel pressured, judged, or exhausted by everyone’s opinions, this episode will help you navigate those situations with clarity and confidence in your choices.

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Vanessa,

Thank you so much for the Pregnancy Podcast. It has been such a helpful resource throughout my pregnancy. I am currently 24 weeks, and overall, things are going really well. That said, I am feeling increasingly frustrated with how much unsolicited advice I am getting from pretty much everyone. My mom constantly reminds me of how things were done when she had kids, even though I know a lot has changed since then. My friends who are already parents love to tell me what worked for them and assume I will want to do everything the same way. Coworkers are giving me random tips and horror stories, and even strangers at the grocery store feel the need to chime in with their thoughts.

Some of the advice is well-meaning and occasionally helpful, but a lot of it feels outdated, pushy, or just plain wrong. While I try to smile and nod, inside I am overwhelmed and second-guessing myself. I find myself wondering if I am making the wrong choices because everyone seems to think they know best.

I want to be respectful and avoid conflict, especially with close family members, but I am also trying to stay confident in the evidence-based decisions I am making. Do you have any advice on how to deal with all the unsolicited input without hurting anyone’s feelings or constantly feeling like I have to justify my choices?

Thank you for everything you do!

– Madison

Madison, thank you for your email and for sharing your frustrations. Dealing with unsolicited advice can be challenging and overwhelming. You are not alone, and I am certain many expecting moms can relate to what you are going through. Let’s talk about dealing with unsolicited advice and give you some tips to deal with it in a way that works for you.

Why Everyone Feels Entitled to Give Advice

Pregnancy is a significant life experience that people often feel strongly about. Whether they have gone through it themselves or supported someone else, they may feel compelled to share their opinion. You mention that some of the advice is well-meaning. I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that people have good intentions. Advice could also be coming from wanting you to be aware of something a mom wished they had known themselves, or to avoid an experience she had to go through. It could also be a stranger just trying to strike up a friendly conversation in the grocery store checkout. Some people may be giving you advice because they want to feel helpful or relevant. Regardless of the intentions behind it, it can feel overwhelming. Especially when it happens constantly and in all areas of your life.

The Problem with Advice

A big problem with advice is that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to pregnancy, birth, or parenting. People have very different experiences and opinions. As a result, their advice is all over the place and often conflicts with differing opinions.

Attitudes and knowledge also change over time. Many practices that were thought to be beneficial in the past are now known to be unhelpful. As more research is done and data is analyzed, the medical community changes its stance on practices and advice. Someone who had a baby thirty years ago likely isn’t paying attention to how pregnancy and birth have changed over the last three decades, and as a result, their advice becomes outdated.

You need to figure out how you want to do things for yourself and your baby. With so many decisions to make throughout your pregnancy, you will certainly not align with everyone on everything.

How to Filter the Noise

Step one is to filter the noise. To do this, you need to find the resources you want to tune into. I love that you mentioned the Pregnancy Podcast has been a helpful resource. You also work closely with a doctor or midwife throughout your prenatal care, who can be an excellent resource. You may have friends or family members whose opinions and advice align with you and are helpful. Rather than shut off everything, you want to continue to look to the resources you trust that provide useful information.

Next, learn to distinguish between advice that may be worth considering and advice that is not applicable. If there are people or resources that you are getting advice from that are not helpful or are contrary to what you want, tune them out. If it is an account on social media, you can unfollow it. It can be trickier if it is your mom or a co-worker.

Setting Boundaries Without Creating Conflict

Once you recognize which advice is worth listening to and which to let go of, the next step is figuring out how to handle those conversations in real life. The way you respond depends on who is giving the advice. What works for a casual comment from a stranger will not be as effective with your mom or a close friend. The key is to tailor your approach based on the relationship, using different strategies depending on how often you interact and how comfortable you feel setting boundaries.

Polite Ways to Shut Down Unwanted Advice

You said you want to be respectful and avoid conflict, especially with close family members. One tactic is to acknowledge it and move on. A passive way to deal with this is to politely thank someone for what they have told you. These tactics may be more helpful for random encounters with strangers or the occasional comment from someone you know. Some ideas of polite responses are:

• “Thank you for sharing, I’ll keep that in mind.”
• “That’s interesting. I’m doing things a little differently, but I appreciate your concern.”
• “I appreciate you letting me know your thoughts”.

Dealing With Close Family and Repeat Offenders

When polite brush-offs are not enough, especially with close family or people who repeatedly offer advice, you may need to take a more direct approach. You can still begin with appreciation for their good intentions, then express your need for space. Here are some examples of how to say that kindly but clearly:

• “Thank you for your input. I am a little overwhelmed by all the pregnancy advice, and I could use a break.”
• “I appreciate your concerns and am good with the information I need now.”
• “Thank you for sharing—I know you mean well. I could really use a break from talking about pregnancy right now. Can we switch to something else for a bit?”

Specifically for your mom, try focusing on the positive by letting her know how excited you are for her to become a grandmother. It is perfectly okay to acknowledge that some things have changed since she was pregnant. Reassure her that there will absolutely be times when you will turn to her for advice, but right now, you feel confident in the information you are getting from your doctor or midwife. Let her know that you appreciate her support, and when you do have questions, you will be sure to reach out.

In some cases, you may need to be even more firm, especially with people who share scary birth stories or continue to offer advice that adds stress. You do not need to sit through stories or suggestions that leave you feeling anxious or overwhelmed. You can respectfully cut those conversations short by saying something like:

• “I appreciate you telling me this, but I do not have the capacity to think about it right now.”
• “I know you have experience with this, and right now I want the space to make decisions without outside input.”
• “Thank you for your advice. I would really like to focus our conversations on topics other than my pregnancy.”

The Emotional Side of Unsolicited Advice

Getting advice and stories from many people can negatively affect your emotional well-being. Not only can these conversations leave you feeling overwhelmed, but they can also cause you to doubt your choices and second-guess yourself.

There are so many decisions to make during pregnancy, and it feels good to decide on one topic, then move on to the next. Decision fatigue describes the idea that the more decisions you are forced to make, the harder each one becomes—and the more mentally depleted you feel. The idea is that your ability to make decisions is a finite resource. The more decisions you have to make, the more it can exhaust you mentally and reduce your ability to make good decisions.

Even the smallest decisions can seem significant given the high stakes of growing, birthing, and raising a human. Getting caught up in constant decision-making is easy, ultimately leaving you drained and overwhelmed. If you constantly return to topics and question your decisions, the worse it is. If someone brings up something about a choice you have already made, you can politely tell them that you have moved on, made a decision, and are not revisiting that right now.

Building Confidence in Your Choices

No matter what anyone says, there is not one correct answer to anything related to pregnancy, birth, or parenting. Everything is nuanced and influenced by your experience, attitude, and lifestyle. If this is your first baby, you are particularly vulnerable to self-doubt because you do not have experience and proof that you know what you are doing. The good news is that there are things you can do to be more confident in your decisions. The more confidence you have, the easier it is to ignore advice, redirect conversations that are not helpful, or defend your choice if you feel like that is necessary.

The best way to build confidence in your decisions is to educate yourself. When you understand all the information around a topic, you can make informed choices that feel right for you. That information might come from research, guidance from trusted sources like your doctor or midwife, or even your own instincts. Ultimately, confidence comes from knowing that you are making the best decisions you can for yourself and your baby, based on what you know right now. It is always possible that you change your mind or may decide to do things differently in the future. You have to focus on what’s right now and trust that you are making the right call. Conviction in your decisions makes it much easier to brush off bad advice or redirect conversations that are not helpful.

Justifying Your Choices

You mentioned feeling like you constantly have to justify your choices. It is important to remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation for your decisions. However, when it comes to conversations with your care provider, partner, or close family members, clearly communicating your reasoning can help you feel more confident and communicate more effectively.

One of the reasons I love evidence-based decision-making is that it takes the guesswork out of making a choice and gives you data to back up your choices. If you feel like you need to justify your decisions, evidence makes this easy. That could mean throwing out a statistic or a study. It could also be as simple as telling someone this is the right decision for you and ending the conversation.

Encouragement and Reassurance

Madison, you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed by all the advice coming your way. It is important to remember that you know your body, your lifestyle, and your goals better than anyone else. That makes you the best person to make decisions for yourself and your baby. Others may have opinions, but only you can determine what is truly right for you and your baby.

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