Overview

There are many traditions surrounding how to best recover from birth and bond with your new baby. Many cultures practice “lying in,” which prioritizes rest and caring for your baby. Some guidelines on what you should and should not do during this time are more based on cultural traditions than science. The 5-5-5 rule is a modern take on lying in that is being embraced by more moms planning for the postpartum period. This episode answers a listener’s questions about whether these concepts are evidence-based and how to best prepare for the postpartum period. Discover what to expect after your baby arrives and how to create a postpartum plan that aligns with your priorities, fits your lifestyle, and works within your resources.

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Transcript and Resources

Hi Vanessa,

I love your podcast. It has been such an incredible resource throughout my pregnancy! I’m currently 35 weeks along, and everything is almost ready for my baby’s arrival. Now, I’m shifting my focus to the postpartum period and trying to prepare as much as possible.

I’ve been reading about the 5-5-5 rule and the concept of lying in. I find these ideas fascinating, and I wonder why more cultures don’t embrace this approach. Is there any evidence supporting the 5-5-5 rule or lying in? I’d love to hear your thoughts on how I can create a recovery plan that supports me and my baby.

My mom will be staying with us for a few weeks after the baby is born, followed by a few weeks with my mother-in-law. I want to have a plan in place and set clear boundaries and expectations with them to ensure we’re all on the same page.

Thank you so much for everything you do. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Best, Emily

Emily, thank you for your email. It sounds like you are really on top of things in preparation for your birth and your baby. Let’s get you feeling prepared for postpartum. A lot of expecting mothers overlook preparing for the postpartum period, and it is amazing that you are thinking about this ahead of time.

Understanding Birth Recovery

First, it is important to recognize that your body needs time to recover after nine months of pregnancy, giving birth, and establishing breastfeeding. A basic understanding of what to expect can make a big difference in setting your expectations and planning.

Your body goes through more physical exertion during birth than any other event. Your muscles will probably be sore. You may also have soreness in your vagina if you had a vaginal birth or around your incision if your baby was born via cesarean. You will also have postpartum contractions, often called afterpains, as a result of your uterus shrinking. The good news is that afterpains are short-lived, with the most noticeable contractions subsiding within a week.

During birth, it is very common to tear your perineum. Research shows the rates of tearing with your first baby are 90% and decrease to 69% in subsequent births. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the rate of some laceration during all vaginal births is between 53-79%. If you have an episiotomy or a tear during birth, the wound will probably be sore for a few weeks, and this is especially true when you walk or sit. If the incision or tear is extensive, the tenderness can last longer. Thankfully, there are many things you can do to give yourself some relief and promote healing. There is an in-depth episode on vaginal tearing, episiotomy, and recovery that goes into detail on healing.

After birth, you will experience a vaginal discharge called lochia. This is excess blood, mucus, and tissue from the lining of your uterus. Bleeding is most heavy in the first three to ten days postpartum and will taper off over several weeks.

Physical healing from birth takes time, and the most critical period to prioritize rest is the first days and weeks.

Demands of Caring for a Newborn

In addition to the healing and recovery your body goes through, you are responsible for caring for your new baby and navigating breastfeeding. Newborns sleep in a polyphasic pattern on and off throughout the day and night, and you can expect to be sleep-deprived in the early part of motherhood. Waking hours are mostly feeding and building a bond with your baby. There will also be lots of diaper changes. This is one area where your partner can really step up and help.

The Pregnancy Podcast has a lot of breastfeeding resources that will prepare you for any issues you may encounter and set you up to successfully reach your breastfeeding goals. There are also episodes on What to Expect in the First Weeks with Your Newborn and Troubleshooting the Early Weeks with Your Baby.

The Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression

50% or more of women will experience what is often referred to as “baby blues” after their baby arrives. Some studies show an even higher prevalence at nearly 80%. This generally includes mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. Baby blues typically begin within the first two to three days after birth and last about two weeks.

One in seven mothers will experience postpartum depression. This lasts longer than the baby blues and can be more serious. It is estimated that as many as half of cases of postpartum depression go undiagnosed. Please be honest with your doctor or midwife about how you are feeling after you have your baby. The longer you go without a diagnosis, the longer you will struggle without valuable resources that can help. If you have any questions about your symptoms being a sign of the baby blues, postpartum depression, or something more serious, please get in touch with your care provider.

Demands of Life

Hopefully, if you are employed, you are taking maternity leave and can disconnect from work. Unfortunately, it is difficult to disconnect from the other tasks associated with being a responsible adult and running a household. Your home needs to be taken care of and cleaned, you need to grocery shop and nourish yourself with healthy meals, bills still need to be paid, and there will always be laundry.

What Is Lying In?

You can see that you have a lot going on in the days and weeks after you have your baby. In an ideal world, you would have no responsibility other than healing and caring for your baby. “Lying in” refers to a dedicated period of rest and bonding for a new mother and her baby, usually lasting from a few days to a month or more after birth. The guidelines can vary, but the core principle is about minimizing external stressors so you can focus on healing, breastfeeding, and bonding with your newborn.

How Lying In Is Practiced in Various Cultures

Many cultures worldwide have traditions that mirror the concept of lying in. For example, in some Asian cultures, new mothers observe a “confinement period” where they rest for a month and follow specific guidelines believed to support recovery. In Latin American cultures, the “cuarentena” is a similar 40-day period of rest and gradual reintroduction to everyday tasks. Cuarentena translates to quarantine.

For cultures that practice the tradition of lying in, family members or postpartum doulas or nannies often help by preparing meals, cleaning, and caring for older children. This support helps new mothers focus almost exclusively on healing from birth and caring for a newborn.

Traditionally, some cultures had very strict rules about what foods should be consumed or avoided, what activities were allowed or prohibited, specific restrictions on bathing, and instructions for belly binding. Some of these practices come from old wives’ tales that can be abandoned; other aspects benefit new mothers.

The 5-5-5 Rule

The 5-5-5 rule is a modern interpretation of lying in. This compacts 30-40 days into 15. The idea is that for the first five days postpartum, you stay in bed as much as possible. This means no housework and no preparing meals; you are literally in bed with your baby for five days. For the next five days, you spend more time on or around the bed. This would involve more sitting up in bed or moving around for short periods, usually less than 30 minutes. In the final five days, you can increase your activity and move gently around the house.

Research

There is not much scientific research specifically looking at the effects of lying in or the 5-5-5 rule. One systematic review examined whether a confinement period practiced among the Chinese female population affected postpartum depression. Researchers found conflicting evidence. Four studies indicated this tradition reduced postpartum depression risk, while two studies showed opposite results. Ten studies did not show a significant association between a confinement period and postpartum depression.

Any doctor or midwife will recommend you take it easy in the weeks after birth. It makes sense that the more you can rest, the faster you recover from birth. The more time you spend with your baby, the more you bond with them. Intuitively, a confinement period or the 5-5-5 rule is common sense.

Planning for Postpartum

While the 5-5-5 rule is a modernized version of lying in, in reality, it takes more than 15 days to recover from birth and likely more than 30. Western societies put more pressure on new moms to bounce back and return to normal life. In the United States, many new parents do not have nearby families and may not have the support systems other cultures have. Many mothers also work and are limited in the time they can take off when they have their baby. In theory, any plan to delegate tasks and prioritize rest, recovery, and bond with your baby is great. For most mothers, this involves a fair amount of planning, support, or financial means to outsource tasks.

Emily, given that your mom and mother-in-law are coming to help, you are in a wonderful position to structure your postpartum period to promote recovery and bonding with your baby. While you have support coming to stay with you, let’s go through a few scenarios that would be helpful for a new mom regardless of their financial resources or access to support. Perhaps some of these concepts can spark ideas you want to include in your postpartum plan.

Rest

You can only rest if you do not have other priorities that require your attention. I would start by thinking about the tasks that must be handled, like meal prep, housework, pet care, etc. The key to prioritizing your recovery is to either tackle these tasks now or put plans in place to delegate them to someone else. If there is anything you can outsource to your partner, do it. If you have the resources to hire someone to clean your home or come do laundry, that would be amazing. A postpartum doula can be an incredible resource for your recovery and navigating the early days of motherhood. If you do not have the financial resources to hire help, ask your partner, family, or friends to assist you.

You can also plan for rest by minimizing how much walking around the house you need to do. Plan to have needed items in your room or next to your bed. Keep a stash of diaper-changing supplies, water bottles, snacks, and a phone charger handy so you don’t have to get up more often than necessary. This will also be helpful when you are stuck breastfeeding and do not want to interrupt a feeding to grab something.

Other Children and Pets

Other children or pets will need care and attention. If you have a dog, perhaps you can hire a dog walker for a few weeks or ask a neighbor or friend to take your dog for a walk. If you have other kids, having someone to spend time with them while you are taking care of your newborn would be great. Depending on their age, they may be able to pitch in and assist you with some of the household chores or spend some time relaxing with you and their new sibling.

Meals

If you have time before your baby arrives, you can stock up on groceries and prepare freezer meals. If you have the financial resources, think about grocery delivery or a meal delivery service in the weeks after birth. Consider asking a friend to organize a meal train. This allows friends and family to sign up for a date to prepare and drop off a meal to your family. If you have visitors coming by, ask them to bring lunch or dinner with them. Emily, if you have any favorite dish your mom or mother-in-law makes, ask them to prepare it when they stay with you.

Lean on Your Partner

If you have a partner, let them know how they can assist you postpartum. Giving them some direction makes it easier for them to tackle tasks. An excellent task for partners postpartum is handling all diaper changes. You have a lot going on with breastfeeding; they can change diapers for a few weeks. Be clear with your partner about your vision for the weeks following your birth so they can support you and help direct anyone else who will be around and contributing.

Setting Boundaries and Expectations

Everyone has a different view of what postpartum looks like. Emily, the experience your mom or mother-in-law had will be different from yours. I encourage you to let them know your priorities after you have your baby and clearly communicate how they can support you. The conversation is nuanced based on their personality and your relationship. It could be as simple as telling them that you want to plan as much as possible to rest and that you are so thankful they will be there to spend time with your baby. Let them know you feel fortunate to have support and will ask them to help around the house. You know best how to navigate that conversation, and it may help to have your partner talk to your mother-in-law.

Allowing Flexibility in Your Postpartum Plan

Lastly, it’s crucial to allow yourself some flexibility. While you may plan for a strict 5-5-5 routine, life with a newborn can be unpredictable. You may find that you need extra rest, or you might feel ready to move about sooner than expected. Listen to your body. Do not be afraid to adjust your plan to meet your changing needs. The goal is to create an environment that promotes healing, bonding, and emotional well-being. If, at some point, your plan is no longer serving you, it is okay to modify or ditch it.

Emily, thank you again for sharing your question. I hope this episode gives you more context about lying in the 5-5-5 rule, recovering from birth, and bonding with your baby. I wish you the best in the last few weeks of your pregnancy and your postpartum journey.

Additional Resources

• Fourth Trimester What to Expect
• Fourth Trimester Planning Ahead
• Vaginal Tears and Episiotomy: Prevention and Healing
• Protecting Your Mental Health (Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression)
• Breastfeeding Resources
• What to Expect in the First Weeks with Your Newborn
• Troubleshooting the Early Weeks with Your Baby

Thank you to the amazing companies that have supported this episode.