Most of what people know about having a baby comes from movies or what they have heard from friends. That is not enough to prepare you for what lies ahead. Understanding the basics of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum recovery can make a big difference in how well you support your partner. More importantly, it will help you feel more confident as you navigate pregnancy, labor, and life as a new parent. This episode is a crash course on what dads and partners need to know, from the moment you find out you are going to be a parent through bringing your baby home.

While most of the Pregnancy Podcast listeners are expecting mothers, this episode is designed for fathers and partners. If you are pregnant and listening, I hope you will share this with your partner so they can feel more prepared and better understand what to expect. If you are pregnant without a romantic partner or co-parent, please know that you do not have to go through this alone. Lean on your friends, family, and support network as you navigate this significant transition in your life.

Listen Now

This episode is made possible with support from our sponsors. I appreciate your support for the brands that help power this podcast.

Article and Resources

Finding Out You are Going to be a Parent 

Discovering that you are going to be a parent is incredibly exciting, especially for dads and partners who reap all the benefits of having a baby without actually experiencing the physical act of carrying and having a baby. While it is a significant life change for both of you, the reality is that the mom is the one taking on the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy. She will carry the baby for nine months, deal with the symptoms and challenges of pregnancy, and go through labor and birth. After your baby arrives, she will spend weeks or months recovering. If she is breastfeeding, she will also be solely responsible for nourishing your newborn around the clock.

You Are Not Just Along for the Ride

One of the biggest things I hear from dads and partners during pregnancy and after their baby arrives is that they don’t know what to do. They feel useless and like they can’t help. Or they feel like there is nothing for them to do. The reality is that there is a great deal you can do both during pregnancy and after your baby arrives. You are not just along for the ride. Your role is incredibly important, and there are many ways to support both mom and baby, both physically and emotionally, as well as practically. This episode is designed to get you up to speed on what to expect and how you can be an active, supportive partner. If you are ready to dive deeper into your role, check out this episode for more insight into being a great partner during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

Understanding How Pregnancy is Measured

You are probably under the impression that pregnancy lasts about nine months. Pregnancy is measured in weeks leading up to birth. A baby is due at the start of the 40th week of pregnancy. Pregnancy is also measured in trimesters, each consisting of 12-14 week periods. The first trimester spans from week 1 to week 12. The second trimester spans weeks 13-27. The third trimester goes from week 28 until a baby is born. You should also be aware that the due date is an estimate. Only about 3-5% of babies are born on their due date, and nearly 90% are born between 37-41 weeks.

Attending Prenatal Appointments 

A pregnant woman typically has around 14 prenatal appointments throughout her pregnancy. That means there are only 14 days when she will actually see a doctor or midwife. Make it a priority to be present for as many prenatal appointments as possible. If you cannot attend in person, consider joining via FaceTime, video chat, or speakerphone. Being present is an opportunity to support the mom, helps you stay informed, be part of important medical decisions, and ask questions.

If you can only attend some appointments, try to prioritize the ones that matter most. The first appointment is when the doctor or midwife confirms the pregnancy and lays out what to expect. This initial visit sets the tone for everything that follows. The anatomy scan, which occurs around the halfway point, is another significant milestone. You will get to see your baby on an ultrasound, and it is often the moment when everything starts to feel real. In the final month, appointments occur weekly and often include more in-depth conversations about birth, which is valuable to be a part of.

If any complications arise or your partner receives unfavorable test results, those moments can be stressful and tough to navigate alone. I encourage you to be there when you can. At a minimum, aim to be at the first appointment, the anatomy scan, and those in the final weeks. And if you want to get the most out of each visit, check out these tips to make the most out of every prenatal appointment. 

Supporting a Healthy Pregnancy

One of the best ways you can help during pregnancy is by supporting mom in staying healthy. This means ensuring she stays hydrated, eats nutritious food, gets regular physical activity, and gets enough sleep. These basics are essential for a healthy pregnancy. You can be a positive influence by cooking at home or choosing healthier options when you eat out. If she needs encouragement to stay active, consider inviting her on a walk or doing something physical together. If mom is having difficulty with healthy habits, and you are doing the opposite, it will be even more challenging for her.

Mom will need to give up some things during pregnancy, like drinking alcohol. While it might seem like a perk to have a built-in designated driver, this is not the time to go out partying every weekend. If you drink, make sure to plan plenty of nights that do not involve alcohol so she does not feel left out. You are in this together, and the more aligned you are in your lifestyle, the easier it will be for both of you.

There is a lot of advice about what is safe or off-limits during pregnancy, and not all of it is clear or accurate. For example, caffeine is not always completely off the table. If you are unsure about something your partner is eating or drinking, take a moment to learn more before saying anything. The goal is to be supportive, not critical. If you want to dig into the facts, chances are there is already an episode that covers it. You can search the Pregnancy Podcast here.

Recognizing Common Pregnancy Symptoms 

One of the most common symptoms during early pregnancy is morning sickness. This nausea affects between 60-80% of expecting mothers and for some includes vomiting. Despite the name, it does not just happen in the morning. It can hit any time of day or even last all day. Morning sickness can start as early as three weeks after conception and often improves around the start of the second trimester. Try to find out what helps her feel better, and have empathy. Morning sickness is no joke.

Fatigue is another very common pregnancy symptom, especially in the first and third trimesters. As hormone levels rise, mom may feel completely wiped out. If her body is telling her to rest, she needs to listen. This can be a great time to give her space and help her relax. Take the opportunity to read a book, binge-watch a show she is not into, or enjoy a little time to yourself.

Navigating Hormones and Emotions

Hormone changes during pregnancy can lead to mood swings and make mom more emotional than usual. To give you some perspective, she will produce more estrogen during pregnancy than she will during the rest of her entire non-pregnant life. This is not something she can control. The emotional ups and downs are usually strongest in the first trimester and often get better as the pregnancy progresses. Try to be patient and supportive.

Understanding Physical Changes 

Most women are not visibly pregnant until the end of the first trimester, around week 12. You are probably expecting mom to get a big belly, which will happen. Her breasts will also grow by one or two cup sizes. That might seem like a bonus to you, but keep in mind that her chest will likely be sore and sensitive, especially early on.

Every woman feels differently about the physical changes that come with pregnancy. No matter how she feels, it helps to remind her that these changes are necessary to grow a healthy baby. It is impossible to create new life without going through a major transformation. If she ever feels insecure or uncomfortable with her changing appearance, let her know that it is temporary and that she is doing something incredible. Body image can be especially challenging during and after pregnancy. One of the best things you can do is remind her that she is beautiful and amazing, and avoid saying anything that might make her feel more self-conscious about her changing body.

Sex During and After Pregnancy

You can absolutely have sex during pregnancy. For most couples, sex is safe throughout pregnancy. In some cases, a doctor or midwife might recommend avoiding sex due to specific complications or a high-risk pregnancy. If you are ever unsure, ask your care provider.

Your sex life might shift a bit, and that is completely normal. Hormones can make mom feel more interested in sex than usual or not interested at all. What matters most is communication. Be honest about how you are feeling, and make sure you are listening to how she feels too.

You do not need to worry about hurting the baby. The baby is protected in the womb and is completely unaware of what is happening. As her belly grows, you may need to try different positions to ensure she remains comfortable. Toward the end of pregnancy, sex may even help encourage labor naturally.

After your baby is born, it is usually recommended to wait about six weeks before having sex. This may vary depending on how you two feel and how their birth recovery is going.

Bonding with Your Baby Before Birth 

Not all parents feel a strong bond with their baby right away, and that is completely normal. Even after birth, research shows that about two-thirds of parents feel an immediate bond, while the rest feel only moderately connected or not connected at all. Bonding is not always instant, and it often grows over time.

It may feel easier for your partner to bond with the baby during pregnancy since she is the one carrying them. But there are still meaningful ways for you to connect before your baby is born. A meta-analysis found that parents who spent time thinking about their baby during pregnancy had stronger interactions after birth. Try imagining the moments you are most excited about like holding your baby for the first time, going for walks together, or sharing your favorite hobbies.

Another simple way to bond is by talking to your baby. Around 18 weeks, they can start to hear sounds from outside the womb. It might feel awkward at first, but just say hello and tell them you are excited to meet them. Your voice will become familiar, and once they are born, they will recognize it.

As your baby grows, their movements will become more noticeable. Eventually, you will be able to feel kicks or see mom’s belly move. Ask Mom to let you know when the baby is active so you can join in and share that experience too.

Planning for Paternity Leave 

Just as there is maternity leave for mothers, there is also paternity leave for fathers and partners. I strongly encourage you to prioritize taking time off when your baby arrives. The first few weeks with a newborn are a significant adjustment, and it is a special time for your family that you will never get back.

If you are employed, start by checking with your company to see what kind of leave is available. If you live in the United States, also consider your state’s policies. If you are in another country, check with your local government to understand your options. Determine how much time you can take off and whether any of it is paid leave. If you are self-employed, consider incorporating a break or reducing your workload. That might mean extra planning, automating certain aspects of your business, or outsourcing. Taking time away from work is not always easy, especially if it affects your income. But this is a short window where being home with your family can make a big difference for all of you.

Navigating Baby Traditions

If you are married, you probably found out about a whole host of traditions you didn’t even realize were a thing. Having a baby also comes with many traditions. Some of these may be new to you, and not everyone follows them, but it’s helpful to know what they are in case they arise.

Baby Showers

A baby shower is a celebration of an expecting mother and welcoming your new baby. The name comes from the idea of “showering” the mom with gifts. There is a lot of etiquette surrounding baby showers. A friend or family member usually plans these events in the third trimester. Most expecting moms create a baby registry, which is a list of items they would like for the baby, and guests choose gifts from that list. Traditionally, baby showers were attended only by women; however, co-ed showers have become increasingly popular.

Babymoon 

A babymoon is a trip expecting parents take together before the baby arrives. It is usually during the second trimester, when mom is likely feeling her best. This could be an international vacation or just a night away for some quiet time together. If you can make it work financially and with your schedules, it can be a great way to relax and enjoy time as a couple before your baby is here.

Push Present 

The last thing you should have a heads up on is the idea of a push present. This is a gift you give to a new mom after she has given birth to a baby. Some couples love the idea, while others are not interested at all. The important thing is to discuss it ahead of time and clearly understand expectations.

Getting Ready for Labor 

Before your baby is born, a lot of the attention shifts to preparing for labor and birth. If your expectation is that a pregnant mom will go to the hospital and a doctor will deliver the baby, that might seem simple enough. For many people, that is exactly how it goes. But if you are listening to this, or your partner is, chances are you both want to be more involved in the process and have a say in how your baby is born.

You have more choices than you might think, such as where the birth takes place, who is present, the type of environment you prefer, and how various aspects of the experience are managed. Two key things can help you prepare: taking a birth class and creating a birth plan. As the birth partner, you should be involved in both.

Taking a Birth Class 

A birth class is one of the best ways to prepare for what labor and birth might be like. It provides both of you with a better understanding of what to expect, your options, and how to handle unexpected situations. Labor can move quickly, and when things change rapidly, it can be challenging to make informed decisions without some prior knowledge. Taking a class together helps you both feel more confident and informed. It also provides a clearer understanding of your role during labor and how you can best support mom.

Creating a Birth Plan 

Creating a birth plan is a great way to prepare for birth. It helps you get on the same page, talk through your preferences, and understand what matters most to both of you. This is a chance to clarify what you want to include and what you would rather avoid during labor and delivery. If you are not sure where to begin, here are resources to get started:

• Guide to Creating Your Birth Plan
• Get a copy of Vanessa’s birth plan
• Your Birth Plan book
• Become a Premium Member for a FREE copy of the Your Birth Plan book and access to the entire back catalog of episodes ad-free

Supporting Your Partner During Labor

Labor is one of the most physically and emotionally demanding experiences a mom will go through. You are not just there to watch. You are the coach, support crew, and advocate. Your presence, energy, and focus can have a huge impact on how supported she feels. Taking a birth class and creating a birth plan together will help you understand what to expect and how to be supportive. These steps also help you know which procedures she prefers or wants to avoid, so you can advocate for her during labor.

When labor begins, your partner may be focused on contractions and managing pain. That is your cue to speak up if needed and make sure her wishes are respected. Whether it is requesting an epidural or avoiding unnecessary interventions, your preparation allows you to help guide the care team. Have a conversation before labor about how she wants you to help. Does she want physical touch, words of encouragement, or for you to stay close but quiet? This will give you a better idea of what to do in the moment and help her feel safe and supported.

Labor can be long, unpredictable, and exhausting. There may be moments when you feel helpless, but your steady presence makes a difference. Even if you are not doing anything specific, just being there helps mom get through the most difficult moments.

What to Expect Postpartum 

The postpartum period refers to the weeks and months after your baby is born. This stage can bring a lot of challenges, and many of them catch new parents off guard. Knowing what to expect ahead of time will help you support mom and avoid feeling overwhelmed when things come up.

Recovery after birth is different for every mom. It depends on whether she had a vaginal birth or a cesarean and how her labor went. She may be experiencing soreness, bleeding, exhaustion, or other physical symptoms. Additionally, she is caring for a newborn around the clock. Your support matters during this time, not just in a physical sense, but also emotionally. If you understand what she might be going through, you will be better prepared to show up in ways that help most. There are a couple of episodes that go into more detail on what to expect postpartum and how to plan ahead.

In the first hours after labor, both of you will likely be exhausted. Your main job is to enjoy your baby and make sure mom has a chance to rest. If there is anything you can do to help her relax or recover, do it.

After birth, her body will not bounce back immediately. She will still look about five months pregnant, and her uterus will be clearing out tissue and fluids. She will essentially have a period that can last for up to six weeks.

She will also be sore. A cesarean is a major surgery, and it takes time to heal from the incision. With a vaginal birth, it is common for the perineum (the area between the vagina and rectum) to tear. The rate of some laceration during all vaginal births is between 53-79%. She may or may not have stitches, and will likely be sore and need time to recover. One of the best ways you can help is by limiting how much she has to move around, especially in the first few days.

If you are worried about how birth affects her body long-term, know that her body will heal. A vaginal birth does not ruin or break anything. You should have even more appreciation for how amazing her body is.

Helping with Breastfeeding 

Breastfeeding is arguably the best thing for a new baby. Breastfeeding offers many benefits for your baby, including a lower risk of infections, allergies, and other health issues. It also helps support mom’s recovery by releasing hormones that strengthen her bond with the baby and aid in physical healing. If mom is breastfeeding, your encouragement and support can make a big difference. If you supplement with formula, you can take turns feeding the baby. If your baby is exclusively breastfed, you might feel like there is not much you can do. That is not true and there are many ways to help.

Breastfeeding can be physically and emotionally demanding, especially in the early days. For many moms breastfeeding does not come easily and naturally. If mom is having a hard time, encourage her to reach out to a support group, lactation consultant, or her care provider. The sooner she gets help the easier breastfeeding will be.

While breastfeeding, moms can get stuck sitting or lying down with one arm holding their baby. That means they may not be able to get up easily and only have the use of one hand. You can help by getting mom something to drink or something she can easily eat with one hand. You can hang out while mom is breastfeeding. Nursing a baby can be lonely, especially in the early days and weeks when it feels like a baby is constantly attached to your breast. Having someone to sit with you or watch a show with you can make a big difference. If you are out and about, make sure if mom needs to breastfeed that, you support her doing that anywhere she is comfortable.

While she is breastfeeding, take on some of the other household tasks. Change diapers, do the dishes, make meals, tidy up, or handle the grocery shopping. If these are not normally your responsibilities, now is the time to step in. The more you take off her plate, the more space she has to focus on feeding and recovering.

Caring for Postpartum Mental Health

After a baby is born, the mom will go through a major hormone drop. Combine that with sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and the constant demands of caring for a newborn, and it is no surprise that many new moms experience emotional ups and downs. The baby blues are very common and are estimated to affect at least half of all new mothers, with some studies showing rates as high as 80 percent. Signs of the baby blues include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, and trouble sleeping or eating. These symptoms usually begin a few days after birth and tend to fade within one to two weeks.

One in seven new moms will experience postpartum depression, which is more serious and longer lasting. It can look similar to the baby blues at first, but the symptoms are more intense and do not go away as quickly. Many moms try to tough it out and handle these feelings on their own. If you notice mom struggling emotionally, encourage her to talk to her doctor or midwife. Her care provider can connect her with support and resources that make a real difference in how she copes and how long her symptoms last. If you are not sure what to look for or want to learn more, check out this episode.

Dads and partners can also be affected. The stress, lack of sleep, and even changes in hormone levels after having a baby can impact your own mental health. One study found that at least 17.5% of fathers experience baby blues, and that symptoms in dads were linked to struggles bonding with their baby. Feelings of sadness or depression can show up within the first few months or even later in the first year. If you notice these signs in yourself, do not ignore them. You are not alone, and getting support is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family.

Practicing Baby Wearing and Skin-to-Skin Contact 

While many baby-related products and practices are often marketed to moms, things like baby wearing and skin-to-skin contact are just as valuable for dads and partners.

Using a baby carrier is a great way to bond with your baby while keeping your hands free. It is perfect for walks, getting things done around the house, or simply giving your partner a break. If a wrap-style carrier is not your thing, look for one that fits your style and feels comfortable to use. The best baby carrier is the one you will actually wear.

Skin-to-skin contact is another simple but powerful way to connect with your baby. It helps regulate their heart rate, breathing, and body temperature, and it can also reduce stress in both of you. It promotes bonding and helps your baby feel secure. If you are sitting on the couch, take off your shirt and place your baby on your bare chest. It is an easy way to relax and build a deeper connection.

Coping with Sleep Deprivation

You should expect to get less sleep than you are used to once your baby arrives. Adjusting your expectations now can help you cope better when those short nights happen. You should know that researchers consider a baby sleeping through the night to mean six hours of continuous sleep. The reality is that many newborns are not physically capable of sleeping that long. As much as you may miss sleep, mom is probably getting even less sleep than you are.

If sleep is important to you, the idea of only getting a few hours of sleep can feel overwhelming. Remember this stage is temporary, and you will adjust. The advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps” applies to you, too. If the opportunity to nap comes up, take it. Even short stretches of rest can help you get through those early days.

When to Reach Out to a Doctor, Midwife, or Pediatrician

Becoming a parent is a huge life transition, and it is completely normal to feel like you are navigating uncharted territory. If you are ever concerned about symptoms in your partner, your baby, or even yourself, do not hesitate to reach out to a doctor, midwife, or pediatrician. Always trust your instincts. It is better to make a call and find out everything is fine than to spend time worrying or second-guessing. Asking for help is part of being a good parent and partner.

Additional Resources for Dads and Partners

There are a few resources geared toward dads and partners that may be helpful:

One of my favorite tools for dads is the Daily Dad. This is a daily email with one piece of timeless advice to help you become a better dad. Although I am a mom, I have been a subscriber for years and enjoy reading this every morning. The Daily Dad is written by Ryan Holliday, a best-selling author of numerous books on stoic philosophy. His latest release, The Daily Dad: 366 Meditations on Parenting, Love, and Raising Great Kids, is a fantastic book.

40 Weeks podcast has an episode for each week of pregnancy. In just about six minutes, you can learn how your baby grows each week and what is happening in mom’s body. Plus, get a heads up on what to expect at prenatal appointments, and each episode ends with a tip for dads and partners. You can sign up for weekly emails with your email address and your baby’s due date, and you will get an email each week with a link to the episode.

I have done thousands of hours of research, and hundreds of episodes are in the back catalog. Chances are, if you have a question about something, I have already done all of the research and hard work for you. Check out the Episode Guide on the Pregnancy Podcast website to browse by topic or search by keyword.

Thank you to the brands that help power this podcast.