Most of the mental and physical work of having a baby falls on mom. One of the most common things I hear from partners is that they do not know what to do. They feel useless, or like there is nothing for them to help with. That could not be further from the truth. There is so much a partner can do during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, and your role matters more than you might think. This episode walks through your partner’s role at every stage and the many practical, evidence-based ways they can support you and your baby. Whether you are a partner who wants to be more involved or a mom hoping to get your partner on the same page, you will come away with a clear idea of how to navigate this together.

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Your Partner’s Role, Explained

Some parts of having a baby rest solely on mom. You carry your baby for nine months. You go through the physical and emotional demands of labor and give birth. Afterward, you are the one recovering and breastfeeding your newborn around the clock. So where does that leave your partner?

First, if the two of you can navigate this together, you are fortunate. The entire process of having and raising a baby is exponentially harder alone. If you do not have a romantic partner or co-parent, lean on friends and family so you are not going through this without support. This episode breaks down exactly what your partner (or another support person) can do to support you and your baby at every stage, from pregnancy through those first weeks at home.

Your Partner’s Role During Pregnancy

Your partner is not the one carrying your baby or giving birth, but there is plenty they can do while you are pregnant. These early roles set the tone for how supported you feel throughout your pregnancy.

Support Mom in Staying Healthy

How you take care of your health during pregnancy is one of the biggest influences on your developing baby. Your partner can make that easier. The basic building blocks are eating whole foods, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and exercising. These habits are much harder to keep up if your partner is not on board. Partners can support healthy eating by cooking at home or by grabbing healthier options when eating out. If you are tired, they can let you sleep in or encourage an earlier bedtime. If you need a nudge to stay active, an invitation to go for a walk or to do something active together goes a long way. When you are working on healthy habits, and your partner is doing the opposite, it makes everything harder.

Empathizer

All kinds of symptoms can pop up during pregnancy. Some are annoying, and others point to something more serious. There are episodes that examine the evidence on many of them, including constipation, heartburn, fatigue, headaches, morning sickness, hemorrhoids, gestational diabetes, swelling, and skin changes. You can ease some symptoms with remedies, but others are out of your control and will stick around until your baby is born.

Your partner may not be going through the same things you are, but they can still empathize. Sometimes it is enough just to know someone is by your side, even when they cannot relate or offer a solution. A partner who listens and acknowledges that what you are feeling is real can make a hard day more manageable.

Study Partner

Your partner can take on some of the work of learning about pregnancy, birth, and preparing for a baby. If you are reading a book, flag pages or highlight sections to share. If you find a helpful article or study, send it their way. Podcasts are a great resource, and if your partner is not a podcast person, many shows, including this one, offer transcripts they can read instead. The biggest benefit of your partner educating themselves is simple. It lets the two of you have informed conversations and make decisions together. I have done thousands of hours of research, so chances are that whatever question you have, there is already an episode that covers it. Pregnancy Podcast Premium members have access to the entire back catalog ad-free.

Support at Prenatal Appointments

I encourage your partner to attend your prenatal appointments. If your partner cannot be there in person, see if they can join by video chat or speakerphone. You can expect around 14 prenatal appointments across your whole pregnancy. That is roughly 14 days of seeing your doctor or midwife, so your partner should aim to be there for as many as they can. Being present lets them have input on major decisions, ask questions, and hear everything firsthand. If complications come up during your prenatal care or you get unfavorable test results, those appointments can be hard to face alone.

If your partner cannot make every appointment, a few matter more than others. The first appointment is when your provider confirms the pregnancy and sets expectations. The anatomy scan ultrasound happens around the halfway point, and it is when many parents find out their baby’s sex. In the last month before your due date, appointments are weekly and tend to include more conversation about birth. The priorities are the first appointment, the anatomy scan, and those final visits. Here are some tips to make the most of every prenatal appointment.

Plan for Paternity Leave

There is a counterpart to maternity leave for partners, and I urge your partner to take time off when your baby arrives. The first few weeks are a major adjustment and a special window you do not get back.

Your partner needs to figure out how much time they can take and whether any of it is paid. If they are employed, the place to start is their employer. In the United States, the Family and Medical Leave Act provides eligible employees up to 12 weeks of job-protected leave, though it is generally unpaid, and a growing number of states now offer paid family leave. Policies vary widely, so it is worth looking into the specifics where you live. If you are in another country, check with your local government.

Self-employed partners need to plan ahead to step away from their business, or at least cut back on hours. Taking a big chunk of time off is not always easy, especially if it means lost income. But this is a short, irreplaceable window. I encourage both of you to get creative and find a way to spend as much time as possible with your family in those first few weeks.

Your Partner’s Role During Labor and Birth

Birth was once an event attended only by women. With the medicalization of birth in the early 1900s, fathers were sent to waiting rooms while their babies were born. That changed as birth classes became popular and partners were welcomed back into the delivery room, and today, partners are more present at birth than ever. Since you listen to this podcast, I am guessing you want a say in your birth experience. You have many choices about where you give birth, who is there, the environment you are in, and what happens. Two things are key to preparing, and your partner should be involved in both.

Birth Class Partner

You and your partner should take an in-person or online birth class. A comprehensive class prepares you both for what to expect and helps you navigate your options. It is also a crash course that gets your partner up to speed on everything they need to know to support you. Most comprehensive in-person classes meet once a week for about six weeks. That makes it easy to turn into a weekly date night. Go out to dinner afterward and use the time to talk about what you learned and your plans for your baby. It is a nice way to carve out quality time together before your baby arrives.

Birth Plan Reviewer

The other key tool is a birth plan. A birth plan is far more than a piece of paper you hand to your care provider. It is the process of preparing for the birth experience you want, both for when everything goes as planned and for when it does not. There is a step-by-step guide to creating your birth plan if you want to dig into the details, but what matters most here is bringing your partner into it.

As you create your plan, talk with your partner about how they can support you. Do you want them to offer encouragement and hold your hand, or to play an active part by reminding you to try different positions or helping with breathing techniques? Your partner may have the chance to cut the umbilical cord or even catch your baby. If there is anything specific you want them involved in, include it in your plan and let your birth team know ahead of time.

Advocate

Your partner can be an invaluable advocate during labor, but only if they know your birth plan and understand your requests. When you are focused on coping with contractions, your partner can help ensure that your doctor, midwife, nurses, and doula honor your wishes.

Your partner can speak up when you are having trouble doing it yourself. They should know what you want and what you want to avoid. This is where your birth class and birth plan come into play. If you want an epidural as soon as you arrive, your partner can make sure that happens. If you are planning an unmedicated birth, they can make sure medication is not being pushed when you do not want it.

Labor is a marathon, and your partner needs to be there both physically and emotionally. They should be rested and prepared to be present for the whole thing. There will be moments when you feel drained, and your partner feels like they cannot do anything for you. In those moments, simply being by your side and knowing you are supported can be exactly what helps you through.

Labor and Birth Coordinator

When you go into labor, your only focus should be managing contractions and meeting your baby. Other tasks still need attention, and your partner can handle them. If you have a doula, they can fill this role. If you do not, your partner can act as the labor and birth coordinator. It may sound like a big job, but it is really simple.

Your partner should have contact information for anyone they may need to reach. That starts with your doctor or midwife, to let them know you are in labor. If you have other children or pets who need care, your partner can coordinate care for them. They should also be ready to get you where you are going. Make sure they know where your hospital or birth center bag is, how to get to your birth venue, which entrance to use, and where to park. If you are having a home birth, they can greet your midwife and support team when they arrive. These are details you should not have to think about once labor starts.

Gatekeeper for Visitors

Another valuable role is gatekeeper, both at the birth and in the first days and weeks afterward. Dealing with visitors can be exhausting when you are healing and bonding with a new baby. It is completely okay to say no to some or all visitors, or to set rules around visits. The only people who truly need to be there are you, your partner, and your baby. Your partner can manage communication with family and friends so you only have visitors when you are ready for them.

Your Partner’s Role During Postpartum

The postpartum period encompasses the days, weeks, and months after birth and brings challenges many new parents are unprepared for. Your partner needs to be there for you physically and emotionally. Recovery after birth looks different for every mom, depending on whether she had a vaginal birth or a cesarean and how labor went. There are episodes on what to expect postpartum and how to plan ahead. Here is what your partner should know.

Physical Recovery

Right after labor, you will likely be exhausted, and your only job is to rest and spend time with your baby. If your partner can take something off your plate so you can relax, ask them to. You will also be sore and healing. A cesarean is major surgery, and the incision takes time to heal. A vaginal birth is often accompanied by a tear of the perineum. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the rate of some degree of laceration during all vaginal births is between 53% and 79%. Even with an intact perineum, the area will be sore. Your partner can help by minimizing how much you have to move, whether that means walking the dog or grabbing something from another room.

Be on the Lookout for Postpartum Mood Changes

Many new mothers experience the baby blues after their baby arrives. After birth, you go through a sharp drop in hormones, and the baby blues can bring mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, irritability, feeling overwhelmed, and trouble sleeping or eating. The baby blues are common, usually start within the first two to three days, and tend to fade on their own within one to two weeks.

Some new moms experience a more severe, longer-lasting form of depression known as postpartum depression. It can be mistaken for the baby blues at first, but the symptoms are more intense and last longer, and it can interfere with your ability to care for your baby and handle daily tasks. Symptoms usually develop within the first few weeks but can show up later, sometimes up to six months after birth.

Your partner will likely spend more time with you than anyone in those early weeks, so they should be the first line of defense to notice warning signs. If you are having trouble coping emotionally, reach out to your doctor or midwife and get help early. Ignoring it and hoping it passes is not a good strategy. Your partner can help by checking in on how you are doing mentally and encouraging you to contact your provider if you are struggling.

It is also worth knowing that partners are not immune to this. The stress, lost sleep, and even changes in hormone levels after a baby arrives can affect a partner’s mental health too. One study found that at least 17.5% of fathers experienced the postpartum blues, and that those symptoms were linked to more difficulty bonding with their baby. Feelings of sadness or depression in partners show up most often in the first three to six months, but can develop up to a year after birth. If your partner is struggling, encourage them to reach out to their own doctor. Supporting you includes taking care of themselves, too.

Breastfeeding Support

Breastfeeding can be physically and emotionally demanding, and for many moms, it does not come easily at first. Your partner can make a real difference. If your baby is exclusively breastfed, your partner may feel like there is nothing they can do. That is simply not true. While they cannot nurse your baby, there is a lot they can do to support you.

If you are supplementing with formula, your partner can help with feedings. This is especially valuable in the middle of the night. If you are having breastfeeding challenges, your partner can encourage you to reach out to a support group, your provider, or a lactation consultant. The first days and weeks can be hard, but breastfeeding gets easier, and encouragement from your partner goes a long way.

When you are nursing, you can get stuck sitting or lying down with one arm holding your baby, which leaves you with only one free hand. Your partner can bring you water or something you can eat one-handed. Breastfeeding can also be lonely in those early weeks when it feels like your baby is constantly attached to you. Your partner can sit with you, chat, or watch a show together, and that company makes a difference. Out in public, your partner can support you in feeding wherever you are comfortable. That could mean helping you find a private place to feed your baby or just sitting with you out in the open.

Take On the Mental and Household Load

While you are doing the round-the-clock work of feeding and recovering, your partner can take on the everyday tasks that keep a household running. That means diaper changes, dishes, meals, tidying up, and grocery runs. If you are usually the one who handles these things, now is the time for your partner to step. The more your partner takes off your plate, the more space you have to focus on your baby and your recovery.

Practice Skin-to-Skin and Babywearing

Many baby practices are marketed to moms, but skin-to-skin contact and babywearing are just as valuable for partners. Holding your baby against your bare chest is a simple, powerful way to bond. This is something a partner can do from day one. Bonding is not always instant for either parent, and these small, consistent moments are how it grows. A baby carrier is another great tool. It lets your partner bond with your baby hands-free, whether on a walk, around the house, or while giving you a break to rest. The best carrier is simply the one your partner will actually use, so it is worth finding one that feels comfortable to them.

Talking to Your Doctor or Midwife

Throughout pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, your care provider is your trusted partner, and the more your partner understands, the better the two of you can advocate together. If either of you is ever concerned about something with you, your baby, or even your partner’s own mental health, do not hesitate to reach out to your doctor, midwife, or pediatrician. Trust your instincts. It is always better to ask early than to sit with worry.

Additional Resources for Partners

There are a couple of episodes geared specifically toward dads and partners that pair well with this one: a pregnancy crash course for dads and partners and a guide to preparing your partner for birth.

One of my favorite tools for dads is Daily Dad, a daily email with one piece of timeless parenting advice. I am a mom, and I have been a subscriber for years, and I recommend it for every parent.

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